These are session notes of my personal experience from a regular exchange session I do with my own coach, Denise Suarez. Denise is a parenting coach, and is an amazing space holder. She has helped me to go within and do incredible self-work and has been an integral part in my personal growth over the last year.
At the beginning of our session, I talked about my progress in an ongoing process of releasing false responsibility in my relationships. I had made a big breakthrough and was feeling good, yet when I recounted the story, there was something that still felt icky.
I was questioning the decisions I had made as I recalled the feelings of fear and discomfort that came up over the last few months. I realized I was feeling deceived by my intuition. Feeling tricked. I realized there was a (until now subconscious) part of me that was expecting that everything was going to be rainbows and unicorns when I followed my intuition, and I had been feeling deceived when it felt challenging or scary.
Denise asked what I wanted to do. I felt guided to get to know these feelings better.
I asked myself what it would feel like to hold onto this feeling of deception. I felt a lot of tightness and pressure in the muscles in my chest and neck and a bit in the center of my forehead as well. I asked what it would feel like to let it go.
I could feel the tightness go away in my forehead, and as it did, I saw a sliver of a luminous cloud scene. Something was keeping this scene from opening all the way.
Denise asked me what was keeping it from opening. I looked at the sides of the scene and saw black, shadow-like hands holding on and keeping the cloud scene from opening wider. I imagined placing my own hands on the hands of fear. They dissolved into air. The cloud scene grew slightly wider.
Now the beautiful cloud scene was being kept from opening by giant wooden posts – one on each side. They were filled with splinters, and as I reached out, splinters jumped into my hand. It had tried to scare me away. The posts said they were protecting me. “From what?” Denise asked. Answer: From pain.
I thanked the posts and watched the splinters disintegrate into my hands, returning to light. I placed my hands on the posts, and posts began to splinter, falling into the ground. The cloud scene opened a bit further.
Inside the wooden posts were round, metal posts. The fear here felt like one of paralysis rather than force or aggression, like the previous shadow hands and wooden posts. They asked for understanding and company. I sat with them, and let them know I would stay with them.
The posts dissolved into the ground, and what was left were two, stone bases in which the posts had been anchored. The stones were stuck in the ground, encapsulating more fear. I wasn’t sure what to do here, so I asked my intuition for guidance. It guided me to lay on the stones, chest down.
On the first stone, I felt fears moving upward into my chest. It felt scary, but I kept going and watched the fears transmute into free flowing energy in my chest. I went over to the second stone. The fear began to come up, but then it stopped.
I asked the stone what it needed. It said love. I caressed the stone with my hand and sent it love. It began to melt and transform.
All of a sudden, what was left was a bunny in a beautiful green meadow with rolling hills. The beautiful clouds and sky were above, and the whole scene was fully visible now. The bunny began to hop around and ran away before eventually circling back to me. I asked if it needed anything, and it began to change shapes. This also frightened me, so I asked my intuition for guidance.
I held my hands out towards it and imagined projecting loving energy towards it. There were duplicates of my hands all around the shapeshifting creature, forming a circle and sending it up into the sky. A beam of light came down to meet it, and the creature took on the form of a dragon.
It was simply blue light, in the outline of a dragon. The dragon flew around, moving into the sky, and into the earth. It was having fun. It said it was there to protect me. Having fun and allowing free motion was integral in this protection. It showed me, “Fear isn’t needed for protection, just fun, light, and love.” It told me it would come back whenever I called upon it. I felt lighter and more open and so relaxed.