Healing through balancing masculine and feminine energies

The last couple months have been calling me to find more balance. One of the ways this came through was in balancing the masculine and feminine energies.

For a long time, I shied away from these terms of masculinity and femininity. I had a bit of an aversion to them. I now know this was because I had an aversion to how masculinity and femininity were represented within my culture. I had to recognize this in order to begin to heal my own imbalances of masculine and feminine energy within me.

Let’s rewind about five years. As I was walking down my path of healing and spiritual growth, I began to accept that both masculine and feminine energies were important and necessary for balance.

At first the acceptance was mental. Like, “Yes, I get it, masculine and feminine qualities balance each other. That makes sense.” I read what people defined as masculine and feminine, yet I still had hang-ups on why each of their characteristics had to be attributed to either the masculine or feminine.

I didn’t like thinking that some qualities were inherently female while others were male. I was actually hung up on a power imbalance that I had witnessed between males and females in society.

Over time I realized masculine and feminine energies have nothing to do with male or female or power imbalances. It is simply energy.

Fast forward to the recent past: Once I realized that there is inherently an equal amount of power in both masculine and feminine energy, I was able to balance them more in my own life.

What really helped me was the following exercise: I began writing down what femininity and masculinity were, and what they weren’t.
What is femininity? Intuitive, soft, subtle, passive, receptive, nurturing…

What femininity is not: Manipulation, submission, temptress, meek, weak, powerless….

What is masculinity? Logic, focused, outward direction, active, boundaries…

What masculinity is not: Rigidity, power over someone, aggression, control over others, anger…
I looked on google images to get some adjectives to help me define what feminine and masculine energies were. Then I thought about it. Anything that came up that was less than loving, went in the ‘what masculinity/femininity is not’ definitions.

My definitions were much longer, and I spent about a week filling them in, but I wanted to share some examples here of what came up for me when I was exploring the topic in case you would like to do the same.

And the result? My definitions of masculinity and femininity and how I see their characteristics within myself and others don’t feel like such a weight anymore. They are clear, and I accept them. It simply feels better.

I’m not sure how yet, but I feel this is already helping me feel more balanced as a person, and I think it’s going to help my business too. I’ll keep you updated.

In love, light, and bliss,

Char

Stepping into greatness: what does that even mean?

“Being of service is more important than what people say about me.”

This is my mantra at the moment. It is a big one for me. It challenges insecurities and old patterns that don’t serve me anymore. And at the same time, it ignites the fire within me to help others. It reminds me I am going to feel my best when I’m on my true path no matter what other people are doing, saying or thinking.

It reminds me that there will likely be people who will say hurtful things; they will try to “protect” me from my greatness by bringing me back down, just as they were brought down from their greatness earlier in their life. I choose not to listen anymore. I choose to step into my greatness. 

What is greatness?

Greatness is my true essence. It is my connection with consciousness, divinity, all there is. Greatness is a mixture of love, peace, joy, bliss, power, wisdom, and lightness. It is a blissful tingling sensation that fills my body. It is the deep breath that brings life force into my physical being. It is simple trust in knowing that I am greatness, and that’s all that matters.

How do I embody this?

The answer that came in was simply: “Ask.” 

I ask to fully embody my greatness. I ask to visualize what that looks like. I close my eyes…
I see the wind blowing in light swirls around my body. I envision my body posed like a powerful goddess with her chest towards the sky and her long hair flowing in the swirls of the wind, her arms stretched down at her sides and slightly behind her. She is open to the powers of the universe. She is the universe. 

I ask to feel what it feels like to embody greatness.
It feels powerful. I can feel it moving through my arms and feet and chest. In the center of my chest, it brings up a feeling of fear and some tightness behind my right shoulder blade. What would it feel like to let that go and fully embody greatness? It looks like light expanding through my back. 

It expands out to form wings – big white feather wings that are strong and powerful. The wings began to move. They flap a few times. They stretch out. They are enormous. Simply lifting them out wards lifts me up into the air. I travel upwards. Towards a source of brilliant golden light. It’s so bright it makes me cry. 

I got distracted, and I no longer see the light anymore. But it feels as if I have made a new connection between Source and my body. I choose to bring this connection down fully. My soul is filling up, up there. The energy is channeling back down to my earth experience.

A journey to find surrender and the mantra that brought me there

A couple weeks ago I posted a picture to my Health by Intuition social media account with the caption, “Today I choose to surrender.” I posted this because this is what I thought I wanted to do. But then I wasn’t entirely sure…

I wanted to surrender because the word has been coming up for me lately. I’ve heard it talked about a lot by Christians in the context of surrendering to God. These Christians I’ve met that have surrendered seem to have more peace about them. They are really connected to that inner source of wisdom, what I call intuition, and it guides them in their day to day. From the outside, it looks very comforting and calming.

I also want to surrender because I know that I struggle with control. If I could surrender that, in theory, I could live freer and more in touch with my intuition. So it seemed like a natural step to try to do it. Except it wasn’t working. So I made it public because I’ve found that making my intentions public on social media can really help (e.g. posting in my Commit to personal growth Facebook group has been really helpful for me!).

It turns out that posting publicly did help. It brought me more awareness on how I defined surrender.

The next day, I woke up and asked to surrender. I realized that it did not feel good. It was not that warm, light, centered, freeing feeling that I normally get when I connect into light. I asked why. I realized that I had defined surrender as giving up; losing; and in essence, letting someone/something else have control over me. No wonder I couldn’t do it! That definition was not in line with my highest good.

I talked to my partner, Enrico, about it. He agreed that his definition of surrender was not a positive word and that it meant giving up and giving away your power. Even in our agreement, I felt I needed to look deeper into it. I needed to figure out if surrender could be fully aligned with lightness and goodness. 

The next morning, it was still on my mind, so I woke up and googled the definition of surrender. Most dictionaries seem to have at least two definitions of surrender and are in the line of: 1. To allow or admit defeat or 2. To give something up when you are forced and.. I didn’t like either of those definitions. I still have a problem with admitting defeat. 

Is this because admitting defeat is not in line with my highest good? It doesn’t feel in alignment with my highest good. I don’t think there’s anything to be defeated. Defeat signifies that something must come out on top, and therefore, something else is lesser than. That to me is not in line with love. When I think of love, I feel that everything that is, is there to be accepted. Equal. Justified. Simply a part of our great experience that is life. That to me is in line with love. 

I also have a problem with giving up something when you are forced. It is like saying I no longer have agency. I suppose you could look at it from the perspective that it is your higher self forcing you. But that doesn’t make sense to me either because I believe that the greatest gift of being human is free will. No force.

So I guess I don’t want to surrender anymore? No, that doesn’t feel right. I want to relinquish control. I want to trust in my intuition, in that higher power fully. Can I surrender in a pure way that’s in line with love and feels good? Yes, but that means creating my own definition of surrender

What does surrendering (in line with love) look like to me: I choose to relinquish my control over what I have no control over. I choose to trust faithfully that the higher power/universe/God/source is benevolent – always. I choose to tap into that higher power and allow it to lead me through my day trusting that it will bring me the greatest experience possible. I choose to trust that tapping into this higher power at a deeper level will bring me an experience that I don’t know yet, beyond my expectations, in line with love and higher vibrations. 

What I just wrote feels true but incomplete. I feel there’s more to it. I will have to come back to it. 

[Several hours later and after a deep meditation in the bathtub]

Am I so afraid of relinquishing control that I am trying to distract myself by blaming the problem on the definition of surrender? Yes, that could actually be the case. 

How can I ease this fear? My intuition answers, “Allowing the breeze to blow through me and taking the fear with it.” I imagine this and let it happen. 

And then this comes through:

I give myself permission to let go. I give my soul permission to shine through and lead me. I surrender my shadows to my true essence. I surrender the things that I learned that weren’t in line with love. That’s what surrender is. Surrendering the dark to the light. Realizing that those fears that I carry around only have as much power as I give them. I give my power to me, and I am light. 

This feels complete. I can surrender now.

How do YOU use the P-word?

Following the heels of last month’s blog of setting intentions, we continue this month with one of the most important steps of getting there: asking for guidance and help.

And that brings me to the P-word: prayerWhy call it the P-word, you might ask? Because I’ve found the prayer has negative connotations for many people.

For example, some people have had less than lovely experiences with religion and associate prayer with those experiences.

Some people associate prayer with asking for forgiveness or repentance. In other words, they feel like they did something wrong and need permission (outside of themselves) to be “right” again. “Doing something wrong” leads to feelings of guilt and/or shame. These are some of the lowest frequency emotions we can experience. Simply put, they feel bad, and no one deserves to feel that way. And it most certainly would make prayer feel icky to have this association. (I know I used to fall into this category!)

Others have been taught that asking for things is a sign of weakness, or perhaps even worse, that they are not worthy of asking for more. (I also fell into this category, and occasionally find myself back here when new things arise!).

Prayer can also make people feel like they are giving up themselves or their personal power by asking for help, not realizing that they can actually ask that inner self that is eternal energy to connect in prayer. It can actually be empowering instead of giving their power away. (I also had this misconception!).

Some people have tried prayer before, and their prayers were not answered. That might have left the feeling jaded, betrayed, forgotten, alone.

What I’m trying to say is that there are a lot of icky feelings and misconceptions around prayer, including many that I haven’t mentioned here. And that’s why I will call prayer, “to ask” or “asking” for the rest of this newsletter. Nobody wants to feel all that baggage. Lol.

First, when we talk about asking, I want you to remember that you deserve to ask for what you desire. If you’re thinking, you want more money, a more loving relationship, a job you enjoy, then great! You are off to a good start. You deserve all these things.

Now ask yourself why you want those things. Ultimately, what will having those things allow you to feelIs it security, safety, stability, joy, peace, freedom, love, fulfillment, inspiration, empowerment…? That’s what we ask for; not the things but rather the feelings we want to feel by having them.

For example, if you want the freedom that having lots of money could bring, ask for that feeling of freedom to purchase what you need without worry, to own a house that brings you joy, to take that trip to visit a beloved friend, to taste the bliss in the food at that really expensive restaurant. You may even get more than you thought you wanted!

When you get to that end goal of feeling X, you might notice that you never even got the cash/house/spouse/thing you thought you needed and that now you don’t even want it.

Now where do you start?

Perhaps you need to start by asking for guidance to become comfortable asking for guidance. Perhaps you’re ready to get out there and ask for every loving energy and feeling that is in line with your highest good to come into your life. Either one and anything in between is perfect.

Remember, the universe is abundant. I’m talking limitless. If you get something, it does not mean that someone else will not. In fact, you opening yourself up and receiving that energy means someone else is more likely to get it too because you can now share your openness with them.

Again, let’s not get caught up with physical things but rather the feelings and emotions that you want to experience. Otherwise our minds can talk us out of things by reminding us of limited resources on earth.

So please ask. You deserve it, and others deserve to benefit from the gifts you receive.

In love, light, and bliss,

Char

How to set an intention and manifest it, a step-by-step guide

As we enter into a new year, we bring with us hopes and expectations – be they conscious or unconscious. One of the best ways to fulfill our hopes is by setting clear intentions.

To truly set an intention requires feeling that intention in our entire bodies. Feeling that intention with all of our sensations allows us to truly open up our energy to manifesting it. Yet sometimes, because of our blocks and past trauma, this is easier said than done. We try to set an intention, but we can’t get over that feeling of pressure in the chest, or that blob in the stomach, or that incessant chatter in the mind. Or perhaps we just simply can’t feel it fully.

To manifest our intentions, it is essential to feel that dual sense of lightness and groundedness in the whole body as we imagine living it. Any other sensations are simply our blocks lighting up and alerting us to what needs to be cleared first. 

So how do we let those go? 

One of the most effective ways I have found is to ask that any blocks keeping us from living our intentions be released, and keep asking until the intention is achieved. I attempt to sum up the process below in six steps.

How to set an intention and clear any blocks that are keeping you from getting there:

  1. Set an intention and feel into it with your entire body
  2. Notice any sensations in the body that don’t feel loving and expansive- those are blocks
  3. Ask your higher power to help you clear those blocks
  4. Keep asking for clarity until clear (this may take time)
  5. Feel into the intention again and give thanks for any clarity received
  6. Repeat until you are living your intention

An important note is that while you are asking for clarity, messages may come in different ways. It may be an ad you see, a friend telling you something, or perhaps a message that comes in intuitively. This message will repeat itself until you get it. You might be guided to make physical changes (diet, exercise, etc). Follow this!

I also wanted to include a short meditation on blessing new beginnings. You can use it to feel into your intentions or simply to hit that internal reset button whenever you need. Because every day is an opportunity for a new beginning.

In love, light, and bliss,

Char

My Vision Is to Heal the World. It Starts by Healing Ourselves. Are You with Me?

To heal the world, we need to start by healing ourselves. When we heal, we replace our hurt with love. Consciously and unconsciously, we spread the energy and feelings that are inside of us. It’s like the saying, “Hurt people hurt people.” The opposite is true as well, “Loved people love people.” We repeat what we know. We know what we feel. So when we replace hurt with love, this love is then passed around instead of hurt.

Of course these phrases are not mutually exclusive. Life is not black and white. We all carry around love and hurt. We spread them both. Luckily, we always have a choice to choose love if we want. Even if it doesn’t seem natural, even if it goes against our fears, we have the choice to choose love and let go of the hurt. We can cultivate that love within ourselves and watch it spill over in all of our relationships.

We nurture and grow love for ourselves with our intentions and actions. We can choose to eat healthy and exercise. We can commit to thinking more positively and saying fewer mean things about others. We can simply choose not to tolerate thoughts or actions that keep us stuck or down. We can say, “I will no longer tolerate [any activity] that no longer serves me.” By doing this, our love grows.

That’s not to say that it is easy. As old pain comes up, it will be painful. Our minds will try to rebury it. And thankfully, we still have a choice; we can still choose love. Using the brilliant phrase from Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations with God series, we can ask:

“What would love do?”

We ask until the answer is clear. Then we get to choose.

As our love grows collectively, we, as a society, naturally begin to care more about others and the environment. We have more energy to care and give because it isn’t being spent on avoiding pain and hurt. Avoiding pain and hurt uses so much energy in thinking, rationalizing, excusing, over-planning… We try to control everything to avoid those feelings that cause us hurt.

We do it with good reason. At some point and time in our lives, that feeling that causes us hurt now, was not safe to express. The primary cause of this hurt and pain in our lives is blocked feelings. How do these feelings get blocked? The root of most blocked feelings are implanted during early childhood. We chose to block these feelings because we believed it would keep us safe. As we grow, we either process and let go of the feelings we blocked or we add to them.

An example of how a blocked feeling occurred is if we are told, “Be tough. Don’t cry. Don’t be a baby.” We wanted acceptance, so we buried sadness away to get that acceptance. Perhaps we were laughing, shouting, and singing and were called selfish for “making the situation all about you.” That judgement and rejection of our expression made us bottle up joy in want of acceptance. Perhaps we simply observed a parent reacting in a certain way, felt their fear, and chose to copy it, thinking it would keep us safe and help us fit in.

Acceptance is everything to a small child. If our tribe, aka our family, doesn’t accept us and throws us out, we could die. It is human nature that we pick up on avoiding and/or burying emotions that are not accepted by our peers and caregivers. And each time we do this, we shut off our expression. We turn down our light. We did it as children out of security and necessity, and now we are programmed to continue to do it.

We could blame our caregivers, but they didn’t know any better. They were just doing exactly as they had been taught. Besides, if we were to blame them, it would be giving away our power. It’s like saying, “Here, Mom and Dad, you can have control over how I act, what I say, and how I feel because of how you raised me.” When we do this, we choose to relive the hurt of our past over and over again. Thankfully, we can also decide to act differently.

The decision to uncover our buried feelings, to explore them, understand them, feel them, and set them free is up to us.

And if you choose to do that. You will heal. Your healing will spread to those around you without you even trying. And the world will heal. Bit by bit, little by little, the world will heal.

How recognizing emotions helps us heal

I am in the middle of an emotional week. I have been doing manifesting meditations to open myself up spiritually, physically, and mentally, and they have stirred up some old emotions that are ready to be released. One of these emotions is panic. I had to do an intuitive healing on myself to identify what it was. I have to say, it was a relief to put a word to it.

It felt like a sharp, circular pain right in the middle of my chest. It came up when I was worrying about hurting/offending people by something I said or did. In the past, I would’ve labeled these thoughts and feelings as generalized anxiety and worked on breathing through it or talking to it. But it wasn’t moving with just placing my breath and attention there. So I went in and found it’s true name, panic, and where it came from and asked for it to be released.

As it is being released, it is showing me examples of how it has shown up in the past by showing up in the present. This physically feels like a burden – it hurts physically and pulls me down into a lower vibration and makes me doubt myself – but I know in my soul it is a blessing. It is an opportunity for me to really look at a triggering situation and send love to the part of me that is holding onto panic. It is giving me the opportunity to release it fully.

I am sharing this meditation today because it was one of healing for me, and that is exactly what I’m going through now. It was channeled at the Temple of Debod – an Egyptian temple dedicated to the gods Anon and Isis that was gifted to Spain in the 1970s for their help in constructing the Aswan dam. The temple has a very strong energy for me. I can feel the energy of the rituals and ceremonies performed there for so many years emanating from its walls. I asked that some of this energy be channeled in through this meditation in line with healing and the highest good of anyone that listens.

How to let go of what no longer serves us

October has come in with a bang this year. It has brought with it the strong energies that started in late September and has built on them. When energies come up like this on the earth, they bring with them an opportunity to release what doesn’t serve us. What doesn’t serve you? Maybe it’s the late night chocolate bar, self-critical thinking, a relationship/friendship that does more harm than good. Whatever comes to mind is ready to be released now.

However, releasing is not the act of getting rid of something because we don’t like it. Releasing is about accepting ourselves as we are and choosing a different path – one that is freer and more expansive. It’s choosing to change. Are you ready to make that change? Let’s use the example of self criticism: “That was really dumb what I said in the meeting,” “Why can’t I control my anger around my kids?” or “I hate this extra weight around my waste.”

How would letting go of critical thoughts change your day to day life? What would you be able to feel? What would you be able to achieve? Although it sounds like letting go of critical thinking would be wonderful, there is a real fear keeping us from getting there. Otherwise, why wouldn’t you be there already?

So let’s explore that fear of letting ourselves be great and believing it. What would it mean to accept yourself exactly as you are? If you let go of all the things you hold against yourself, would that make you likely to repeat those things that you held against yourself? The answer is actually no, although fear here often clings to the idea that if we forgive ourselves, if we really let go of those criticisms, we will repeat the same ‘mistakes.’ The first step here is recognizing that the fear of repeating the ‘mistake’ is what fuels the self-criticism, and it is this same fear that keeps us perpetuating the ‘mistake’ over and over again. The mind tells us we need to hold onto the fear to avoid repeating and action, but it is really the repetition of the fear in the mind that keeps us repeating the action.

So how do you let go of the fear? We need to recognize it. We need to understand it. We need to love the child inside of us that adopted that fear because he/she/they believed it would protect them. Only when we fully love and accept that part of us that holds onto the fear will it feel safe enough to let the fear go. It requires introspection. And it requires us to feel. We need to feel the fear and any other not-so-nice emotions that are wrapped up in it. We need to feel this fully with the whole body to process it and set it free. That’s what release is, a setting free.

When we come from the perspective of trying to banish an action or a thought that is rooted in fear, we are simply creating resistance. We are basically saying, “This thought/action is not okay and I reject it.” When we do this, we also reject the part of us that is holding onto the fear. That’s why it is so important to set an intention of where we want to be and how we want to feel. Tapping into those feelings can give you the support and strength you need to dig deep and love the part of us that is holding onto our fears. Then we can take the time to feel them and truly set them free.

So how do you want to feel?

Our future is calling. It is time to create the life we want to live in body, mind, and spirit

There are huge shifts going on right now in the world. If you’re sensitive to them, this probably looked like extra struggle and/or anxiety during the last couple weeks. It might have even brought up some physical discomfort or pain. You’re not alone.  These discomforts are calling us to do our inner work right now. 

We are at a turning point, and our thoughts and actions now can either open us up to more equality, abundance, and joy, or they can close us down into pain, scarcity, and feeling out of control. It’s time to look within. To grow. To heal. 

First, we need to be clear about where we are:

  • How am I feeling right now? 
  • What do my thoughts look like? 
  • What do my surroundings look like? 
  • My society? 
  • And most importantly: How do each of these things make me feel? 

Then we need to get clear on where we want to go: 

  • What does that future look like? 
  • What do I look like in that future?
  • What are my relationships like? 
  • What does it feel like in my body? 

These questions can be answered in meditation, journaling, or in any other practice that allows for deep introspection. Briefly thinking about them isn’t enough. We need to feel them. When we embody our feelings and senses, when we physically feel them in our bodies, we begin to manifest. We can do this unconsciously, thinking doom and gloom scenarios, judging, blaming others (aka giving our power away) and feeling generally icky. Or we can consciously make the choice to send our intention out to the universe and create the future we want. We can use all of our senses to create and embody a future of love, ease, and grace. All of this is possible with the power of the senses and our imagination.

And we need to act now. (No matter when you’re reading this, if you can relate, then the time to act is now.)

I recorded this meditation for manifesting a future of love, ease, grace, and support. Repeat as needed to shift feelings and open up to new possibilities. 

I would also like to give a special thanks to my dear friend Ledy Armirola Garcés for capturing this image of the light shining through that was used in this video.

With love and light,

Char

Vulnerability and riding the waves of 2020

The world as we know has shifted. Wherever you are, your situation has likely shifted over the last 6 months. For some of us, the change has been drastic. For others, it has felt like more of a brief interruption. Whatever 2020 has been for you, it has provided pause. A pause for reflection. Here’s my recent reflection in my journal. It’s a conglomeration of the thoughts and feelings that would run through my mind during the last several months, including some that still do. (formatted for easier reading).

Where am I? Do I like where I am? Now that my routine has been shifted, uprooted, how do I want to build a new routine? No, that didn’t work quite right. This doesn’t feel balanced. This is better, but not ideal. Things will go back to normal soon. Okay maybe things won’t go back to normal soon. How do I make an adjustment to make this new routine work a little better? Do I actually like aspects of this new routine better than the old one? Yes, some of them. How do I want to incorporate these new ways of living into my life post COVID? What feelings are coming up? Wow these are intense. What can I do with these? Am I ready to let them go? They feel like they will never go away. Am I slipping into a depression? I choose to observe. I think positively when I remember and when I can. 

I imagine colorful energy swirling around in my body, returning stuck energies back into motion and letting out old emotions. I don’t need them anymore. Returning inside helped me realize they were there. Now I choose to let them go. The fear says no, but my will says YES. I choose to observe and let them take as long as they need to move. Now I’m feeling better. Another day has passed and I’m feeling way better. Letting go of those tears and fears has brought me up. It feels almost euphoric. Am I bipolar? I will continue to observe. A day later and the euphoria has passed. It has been replaced by simple, easy going joy. It will stay this way for some time before slowly slipping back into a block of stuck scary emotions. And I will ride the wave again. Each wave comes and goes, and each time it feels a little less scary. I feel a little less down, and a little less euphoric, and that is relieving. 

I’d much rather feel the simple joy of being right in the middle than ride constantly between the two extremes. But the worries continue. Will I be able to hold to the promises I made to myself and make changes to my schedule when businesses and schools pick up again? Will we get our freedom to go outside taken away again? Am I wrong for sending my kid back to school? Am I putting others at risk by doing that? Am I wrong for not going to workout classes because they are indoors? Does that mean I am living out of fear and depriving myself of healthy, “normal” activities? 

I am walking a zig zagging line of what’s “right” feeling that any deviation might be “wrong.” How much of these thoughts are even my own and how much come from other people? How much of this is just other people’s energy that I am intuiting. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done that. And now I feel like I’m being hard on myself. Let’s switch that around if we can. I do still love you after all. You’re the one I can truly depend on, so let’s work on this thing called life together. That’s my mind and my ego talking. Sometimes they feel like one, and other times they fight. Other times they work together. And many times, I don’t even notice which is which. 

My awareness is growing. That I know. Daily meditations, courses on spiritual growth and energy, my determination. And of course, growing through teaching and sharing with others. All of these things have helped me grow immensely over the years. And the last few months have been like a fast track. A growth fast track. Most days I gladly accept to be on it. I watch my growth through joy and pain with curiosity and wonder. And other days I felt like the victim, like I am being dragged along. I avoid it by playing games on the tablet. By watching tv. By thinking thinking thinking.

And then after I’ve had enough avoidance, I face the next layer of stuck energy. I go deep. I visit the inner child. I talk to her. I accept her. I hold her and play with her. She cries, she laughs, she coos. She disintegrates and reintegrates into me. She rejoins my spirit, my soul. She makes me one step closer to being whole. And I continue. Some days I simply have to watch the energy and emotions move up and out. No “work” needed. Other days I type and see what comes up. See what that little girl has to say and go through the process of understanding, accepting, loving, and reintegrating. Both are beautiful experiences. Neither feel fun at the start. Stuck energy does not feel good. Go figure.

I’m thankful I have the tools I have to move this energy. To keep growing. I’m thankful I’m able to look at the process and enjoy it now. Not all the time. And that’s ok. There was a time where I could barely enjoy the process at all. Sure I had moments where I laughed and had fun. But when asked to reflect on where I was, I immediately thought about the things I didn’t like and where I would rather be. I suppose that’s why the process of growth was so much slower then. I couldn’t enjoy the process. I couldn’t accept where I was. It really is a beautiful gift to be able to shift into that. 

I wanted to share this vulnerable experience with you because I know I thought and felt things that many people felt and are feeling right now. I know that often I find comfort in knowing I am not alone and that my experiences are “normal.” I know that there is a lot of pain in the world because I can feel it in the collective consciousness. I guess there is a part of me that also wants to share this journal entry to inspire growth in others that are searching for it. It can feel like hard work to get through the initial layers of pain, but the payoff is so worth it.

That’s not to say that I don’t experience pain or difficult situations anymore. I’m still human, and that’s simply a part of the human condition. What is different (now as opposed to years past) is that I can flow through those situations with considerably more ease and grace and not feel quite as stuck or out of control when emotions rise. Each year I find this to be more and more true. And I intend for that to continue. I also intend to continue sharing my growth and gifts with humanity to help others remember their true selves, their spirits, and to grow in the most painless, graceful, and easy way possible along with me.

Thank you for reading.