Vulnerability and riding the waves of 2020

The world as we know has shifted. Wherever you are, your situation has likely shifted over the last 6 months. For some of us, the change has been drastic. For others, it has felt like more of a brief interruption. Whatever 2020 has been for you, it has provided pause. A pause for reflection. Here’s my recent reflection in my journal. It’s a conglomeration of the thoughts and feelings that would run through my mind during the last several months, including some that still do. (formatted for easier reading).

Where am I? Do I like where I am? Now that my routine has been shifted, uprooted, how do I want to build a new routine? No, that didn’t work quite right. This doesn’t feel balanced. This is better, but not ideal. Things will go back to normal soon. Okay maybe things won’t go back to normal soon. How do I make an adjustment to make this new routine work a little better? Do I actually like aspects of this new routine better than the old one? Yes, some of them. How do I want to incorporate these new ways of living into my life post COVID? What feelings are coming up? Wow these are intense. What can I do with these? Am I ready to let them go? They feel like they will never go away. Am I slipping into a depression? I choose to observe. I think positively when I remember and when I can. 

I imagine colorful energy swirling around in my body, returning stuck energies back into motion and letting out old emotions. I don’t need them anymore. Returning inside helped me realize they were there. Now I choose to let them go. The fear says no, but my will says YES. I choose to observe and let them take as long as they need to move. Now I’m feeling better. Another day has passed and I’m feeling way better. Letting go of those tears and fears has brought me up. It feels almost euphoric. Am I bipolar? I will continue to observe. A day later and the euphoria has passed. It has been replaced by simple, easy going joy. It will stay this way for some time before slowly slipping back into a block of stuck scary emotions. And I will ride the wave again. Each wave comes and goes, and each time it feels a little less scary. I feel a little less down, and a little less euphoric, and that is relieving. 

I’d much rather feel the simple joy of being right in the middle than ride constantly between the two extremes. But the worries continue. Will I be able to hold to the promises I made to myself and make changes to my schedule when businesses and schools pick up again? Will we get our freedom to go outside taken away again? Am I wrong for sending my kid back to school? Am I putting others at risk by doing that? Am I wrong for not going to workout classes because they are indoors? Does that mean I am living out of fear and depriving myself of healthy, “normal” activities? 

I am walking a zig zagging line of what’s “right” feeling that any deviation might be “wrong.” How much of these thoughts are even my own and how much come from other people? How much of this is just other people’s energy that I am intuiting. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done that. And now I feel like I’m being hard on myself. Let’s switch that around if we can. I do still love you after all. You’re the one I can truly depend on, so let’s work on this thing called life together. That’s my mind and my ego talking. Sometimes they feel like one, and other times they fight. Other times they work together. And many times, I don’t even notice which is which. 

My awareness is growing. That I know. Daily meditations, courses on spiritual growth and energy, my determination. And of course, growing through teaching and sharing with others. All of these things have helped me grow immensely over the years. And the last few months have been like a fast track. A growth fast track. Most days I gladly accept to be on it. I watch my growth through joy and pain with curiosity and wonder. And other days I felt like the victim, like I am being dragged along. I avoid it by playing games on the tablet. By watching tv. By thinking thinking thinking.

And then after I’ve had enough avoidance, I face the next layer of stuck energy. I go deep. I visit the inner child. I talk to her. I accept her. I hold her and play with her. She cries, she laughs, she coos. She disintegrates and reintegrates into me. She rejoins my spirit, my soul. She makes me one step closer to being whole. And I continue. Some days I simply have to watch the energy and emotions move up and out. No “work” needed. Other days I type and see what comes up. See what that little girl has to say and go through the process of understanding, accepting, loving, and reintegrating. Both are beautiful experiences. Neither feel fun at the start. Stuck energy does not feel good. Go figure.

I’m thankful I have the tools I have to move this energy. To keep growing. I’m thankful I’m able to look at the process and enjoy it now. Not all the time. And that’s ok. There was a time where I could barely enjoy the process at all. Sure I had moments where I laughed and had fun. But when asked to reflect on where I was, I immediately thought about the things I didn’t like and where I would rather be. I suppose that’s why the process of growth was so much slower then. I couldn’t enjoy the process. I couldn’t accept where I was. It really is a beautiful gift to be able to shift into that. 

I wanted to share this vulnerable experience with you because I know I thought and felt things that many people felt and are feeling right now. I know that often I find comfort in knowing I am not alone and that my experiences are “normal.” I know that there is a lot of pain in the world because I can feel it in the collective consciousness. I guess there is a part of me that also wants to share this journal entry to inspire growth in others that are searching for it. It can feel like hard work to get through the initial layers of pain, but the payoff is so worth it.

That’s not to say that I don’t experience pain or difficult situations anymore. I’m still human, and that’s simply a part of the human condition. What is different (now as opposed to years past) is that I can flow through those situations with considerably more ease and grace and not feel quite as stuck or out of control when emotions rise. Each year I find this to be more and more true. And I intend for that to continue. I also intend to continue sharing my growth and gifts with humanity to help others remember their true selves, their spirits, and to grow in the most painless, graceful, and easy way possible along with me.

Thank you for reading.

Guided Body Scan Meditation: A tool for stress, anxiety, and depression

What is a guided body scan meditation? A body scan meditation is a type of meditation, in which we focus on the different parts of the body to help us reach a more calm and meditative state. A body scan typically starts by putting focus either at the head and moves downward through the body or at the feet and moves upward through the body. We focus on breathing into each part of the body, which helps us relax our breathing and breathe more deeply.

What are the benefits of a guided body scan? Simply by breathing into a certain place in our body, we bring our consciousness and our energy there, and this brings natural relaxation to all of the different parts of the body on which we focus. Relaxation allows our bodies to begin to enter the parasympathetic mode of restoring and repairing. It is in this state that the body begins to heal itself from the detrimental effects that stress, anxiety, and depression can bring. The body scan also gives our minds something to focus on in the present moment, which is hugely important when dealing with depression and anxiety.

There is a growing body of research that shows that anxiety is associated with thinking about future-oriented thoughts or ‘what could happen‘ and depression as well as anxiety are associated with thinking about ‘what has happened.’ In other words, our minds are thinking about the future and the past. When our minds are fully focused on the present moment fully, the triggering thoughts for anxiety and depression can no longer exist. A tool like the body scan can help us lessen our current level of anxiety or depression by bringing the mind into the present moment. Continuous practice of meditation and body scan technique can help to retrain the brain to focus on the present and can have a big impact on our resilience when battling stress, anxiety and depression.

Stress, depression, and anxiety are conditions that require prolonged periods of stressful events and/or thinking. Therefore, it will likely take time to begin to retrain the mind and relax the body enough to heal from these conditions. Sometimes when we are feeling bad, we wish for a quick fix, which simply does not exist for chronic issues. Meditations such as this body scan, however, can have profound healing effects when practiced regularly over time alongside of conventional treatment (as prescribed by a doctor or mental health professional).

Body scans were hugely helpful for me when I went through postpartum anxiety after the birth of my daughter. Some days, I got really frustrated with meditations because my mind would wander over and over again, and I would get upset with myself for not being able to focus. This is unfortunately a normal response for many people, and if it is the case for you, it is important to remember that the goal is not to clear your mind but rather to simply engage in the practice of returning your mind to the the body when you notice it has gone off into thought. The calming of your mind and slowing thoughts are side effects, not a goal. Just noticing that your mind has wandered is being mindful. So thank yourself for being able to do that and for noticing when you do.

Guided Body Scan Meditation

Guided Body Scan Meditation: a Mindful Meditation especially for empaths!

The guided body scan is probably my favorite mindfulness tools. You see, one of my strongest intuitive abilities is clairsentience. What does that mean, you might ask? Clairsentience is the ability to feel clearly. Clairsentients can sense information intuitively through our own physical sensations. This means we may physically feel what others are feeling in my own body or we might receive guidance from my intuition through body sensations.

Before I learned how to define my energetic boundaries, my clairsentience felt like a curse. I took on other people’s energy left and right. My body was constantly picking up emotions and physical pain from friends, family, and even strangers around me and trying to process it. But I didn’t know how to process it. It was so overwhelming, I had to shut down my intuitive abilities and find a way to close off to the world. Some of the ways I did this was by changing my posture, avoiding eye contact, and avoiding deep conversations, especially ones where people were sharing their emotions. I shut down so much I could barely feel my own emotions within my body.

Fast forward to my mid twenties when I began daily meditation and working with a somatic therapist. Some of my intuitive abilities began to reopen. I could feel more again. I learned how to identify some of the emotions I had been carrying around in my body for so long. Anger felt like a ball in my abdomen. Fear of rejection felt like a tearing in my chest. Joy felt like a lightness all around my body. It was freeing! However, opening up my own ability to feel also meant opening myself up to feeling others’ again.

A few years later, I thankfully I found a wonderful energy worker and teacher named Jeffrey Allen. Through a course of Jeffrey´s I learned that I could have seniority over my space and my energy. I could use my mind and intent to physically change the energy around my body. I could clear out energy that wasn’t mine, and I could create a barrier that kept others’ energy from coming into my space. It took me quite a while to master this skill, as I had spent so much of my life trying to heal other subconsciously by taking on their energy.

I am thankful to have reached a level where I now when I take on others’ energy, it is mostly during healing sessions, and I know how to clear it and release that connection when we finish a session. However, I still occasionally find myself yawning incessantly until I realize my body is trying to heal a singer on the the radio. I know that this is a skill I was blessed with, and it’s also a habit that I am slowly bringing into my consciousness to be aware of it 100% of the time. Because I’ll be honest, listening to the radio isn’t nearly as fun if my body is trying to heal all the singers I hear. 🙃

Full circle back to the body scan. Because I feel sensations so strongly in my body, meditation that uses body sensations to help anchor me in the present is extra effective for me. This guided meditation is great for relaxation, re-centering yourself, and relief from stress and anxiety.

Mindfulness with Baby and Small Kids

Becoming a parent requires huge changes. Often with change comes worries, feelings of ungroundedness, and doubts. I experienced all of those things when I became a mother. On top of that, my meditation techniques and energy tools did not work like they used to. My typical meditations for anxiety and stress were not helping my anxiety and stress. I needed help!

Mindfulness was a big tool in my journey into parenthood, even though I had already been meditation for several years. I took a 10-week course to have the guidance and the group support around me. It upped my meditation game. It helped my energy work grow stronger, and it helped me develop a stronger connection to my higher self.

While I highly recommend committing to a meditation practice, or a structured course if possible, I understand that some people have things going on in their lives (like parenting responsibilities) that prevent them from doing that. Over the last few years, I have worked with friends, teachers, clients, and my higher self to create exercises that I and other parents can do to practice mindfulness on a daily basis. Some of my favorite exercises, I repeat on a weekly basis in my Mindfulness with Baby and Small Kids class.

I would recommend practicing this class regularly to all parents because it not only helps you feel better but also allows you to be a more mindful role model for your kids. I’ve had people listen while feeding kids, while holding a baby, while being in another country from their child, and people without children have done this with their inner child. All these people wrote me about their experiences to tell me how helpful they found exercises. It is such a blessing to share this class.

Centering into Personal Power

A guided meditation for self-growth and empowerment

The solar plexus is our energetic home for self-esteem and personal power. The word power can have negative connotations for many people because power has been and still is being misused in many places around the world. When I use the word power, I do not refer to power over someone, rather I refer to the strength and abilities of your true essence, that compassionate, loving, joyful spirit side that makes up all of us. When we tap into the power of our essence, we can move mountains. Power from our true essence is never misused because it comes from a place of truth and infinite love. 

Power from within is distinct. Power from within is what fuels our self-confidence and allows us to stand up for ourselves. It gives us the power to make choices in line with our highest good. Choosing something in line with our highest good is not just limited to altruism and kind acts but also includes making choices of friends, food, expression, really anything that brings us true joy, peace, or love. It also gives us power to stand up to those who have been misusing power, those to whom we have given our power away. It allows us to take back our freedom, our power to choose – that divine right we have all been blessed with on this earth.

In this meditation, we connect into the power of the solar plexus, that place in the upper abdomen where we feel our self-esteem and personal power. We breathe into the upper abdomen and  acknowledge the organs there and everything they do for us, both physically and metaphysically. We thank them for digesting food and emotions for us, for processing what goes in so that we receive the nourishment we need. Through bringing our breath and awareness here, we allow energy and emotions that we had been holding on to, to move. We create space for more of our pure essence and power to flow within.  

The Compassionate Observer

A Guided Meditation to Tap into Your True Essence

This meditation is about recognizing the trifecta of who you are: body, mind, and energy. The body and mind are bound to this earth and this lifetime that you are living right now. Your energy (aka life force energy, essence, spirit, atman, soul, qi, tao, etc.) never dies, it simply flows into something/somewhere else when the body dies. By differentiating between the body, mind, and energy, it is easier to connect with that pure feeling of your essence, and you can begin to look at yourself from the perspective of the compassionate observer.

In this meditation I guide you to do just that. From this compassionate perspective, we view our body and our mind in a loving way. This allows us to learn more about ourselves, and it allows us to look at our body and our ‘issues’ in a way that isn’t so emotional or painful. Because we are coming from a standpoint with fewer pain and emotion, it is easier to let go of the emotions or energy that no longer serves us. It goes along with the saying, “What you resist, persists.” By taking that perspective of the compassionate observer, we enter a more neutral loving space. This lowers our resistance to discomfort and pain in the body, and then we can more easily set it free.

This meditation was inspired by a book I am reading called “The Sacred Self,” by Wayne Dyer.

A Full Moon Guided Meditation to Let Go and Flow

A full moon brings us an opportunity for clearing of things that no longer serve us and releasing. We can use it to learn how to ebb and flow with the energies in our environment. It teaches us to let go and build up again in a cyclical, flowing fashion. Sometimes the full moon can bring with it large energies and opportunities to release, which can feel overwhelming when we are not fully connected to the mother earth and father sky energies.

When I think of the moon, I think of a perfect rhythmic circle. It is dependable and timely in its cycle. It naturally changes everyday. It pushes and pulls. It grows and shrinks. Its pull strengthens and weakens. Yet, it always remains balanced. It reminds me of the importance of surrendering to nature and its ups and downs. To let go of some of that perceived need to control and simply go with the flow.

This meditation came through during a massive pink moon in April 2020. The energy leading up was so strong, I found myself having to connect inwards, downwards, and upwards, and I shed some tears of release as well. This is a great guided meditation for releasing anxiety and stress. This meditation was such a blessing to reconnect with supporting energies and let go of what was ready to leave. You can watch it around the times of a full moon or during any time when energies around you feel overwhelming. Enjoy!

One of My Favorite Guided Meditations: Connecting with Energies from Above and Below

This guided meditation is about connecting with energies from above and below. This technique is SO powerful! I use it in many of my meditations, especially for people who are looking to heal and/or release stress. It is a great way to clear your energy field and it works wonders during growth periods.

What is a growth period, you may ask? Good question! A growth period is when you are going through a shift in your life and old beliefs and emotions are getting ready to be released. When this happens, we may feel cranky, tired, and/or unfocused.

I often notice that I´m in a growth period when I find my mind is quick to turn to negative thoughts and I start getting cranky and snippy with the people around me. When this happens, I know it is time to sit down, tune inwards, and run my energy to clear out the emotions and old beliefs that are surfacing.

In this video, I begin with breath-centered meditation to calm the mind and the body and connect with the present moment. Then I guide you to connect with mother earth and source energy from above, allowing supportive, loving energies to flow through the body and the energy field. We end by creating a healing ball of light and sending it to mankind. Enjoy!

#meditation #guidedmeditation #healing #generosity #anxietyrelief

The Journey Begins

For some time now, I’ve been hearing about how important blogs are to keep business flowing to your site. That felt true. What also felt true was a complete aversion to writing a blog. Alas, I have found a compromise! I will begin posting some of my favorite live meditations as Vlog posts and writing whatever comes along with them.  Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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